It’s time to move on– move on from the anger, the heartache, the uncertainty and the loss that comes from rejecting one’s belief in a god. There was a time when I hoped for the day when I would come clean about my rejection of Christianity–be open and honest. It seemed like a crazy fantasy, but that fantasy finally became a reality. There also was a time when I hoped for understanding and reconciliation with my Christian family and friends. That remains in the fantasy category. Oh well, you can’t have everything. For a while now, though, I have found myself hoping for the day when I could be chill about the whole god thing, where a someone could bring up religion, god, Jesus, Christianity and I would just be like, whatever. I didn’t think that could ever happen, but oh so very slowly and bit by tiny bit, I believe that that has become a reality for me in many ways.
Sometimes I feel like I wasted a lot of time trying to gain understanding, trying to get Christians to understand how destructive and ridiculous their beliefs are. Whether the time was wasted or not, I can’t get it back, but what’s done is done and I have no regrets. I did what I needed to do to get through it. Now, even when I try to get angry at Christians I can’t. Where I once would get pissed off, now I find myself kind of shaking my head and saying, “Oh you silly Christians.” There are things that matter, things that deserve the energy it takes to get angry, the Christian religion is just not one of those things. It feels very healthy to me.
Anyway, I wanted to share the following video. The first time I heard this song, it got me. I won’t give a lot of commentary on it. Let it speak to you in the way you need it to, but the first line just nailed how I felt when I could no longer believe, but was still going to church I yearned to “go to the hills where the outlines are clear.” I’ve made it to the hills, the outlines are quite clear and I can again see the stars. I feel like I’ve caught up to myself now, or at least very close to it.
Bring on the wonder–bring it on.