Hello…It’s Me…

 

It’s been awhile.  For about a year now, I thought of abandoning my blog for good.  I simply couldn’t find my creative spark anymore.  It was like a fight every time I would try to write here and I started avoiding it to prevent beating myself up and the frustration of what direction to go.

Well, I’ve been on a bit of a journey of reinvention lately.  I know–so deep.  It all started on my 58th birthday.  Over the past year or so, I kind of lost my mojo, so to speak, but when I turned 58, I realized that it’s either give up and grow feebly old, or keep fighting.  I am after all a fighter, so I made the decision to work on becoming the best I could be by the time I’m 60.  You know, make a comeback and not just physically, but mentally and emotionally-to connect to the world and find my center, to use a hackneyed phrase.

Anyway, as I began this journey, I knew I needed to make some changes (more about that another day) and I thought a lot about my love of writing and my blog. When did I get waylaid?    When I first started Blinders Off, I had a focus and an outlet for all my feelings and the writing just flowed. I loved it.  It felt so right.  I see now that my problem started when I tried to maintain that focus and when I couldn’t, I thought I needed to find another one–I don’t.

What is wrong with writing what ever I want, about what ever I want and see what it becomes?  So simple, yet I couldn’t see it.  I need to relax and breath and let my naturally creative juices flow.

I am enjoying my “journey of reinvention,” so corny.  I’m not going to call it that anymore–I promise.  Happily, even at this stage of my life,  I am learning so much about myself and others. That’s pretty cool.  There are some big changes heading my way, (more about that another day too) but instead of white-knuckling it, or saying I’m too old for this, I’m calling the changes adventures and am preparing myself for the ride.

For now, I’m leaving you this video here, which I would like to dedicate to The Church of Jesus Christ and its leaders.  I remember feeling this way when I was in The Church and also as I was leaving it.  I feel compassion and empathy for those who are still deep into it and are struggling.  Some day when you have had enough, you will walk away, then  you’ll skip, and then you’ll run and then life will begin.

Let the Challenge begin!

30-daysFor the past several months, I have been doing 30-Day Challenges, one every month, e.g., no alcohol, eating a clean food diet, no credit cards, no sugar, and no eating after 7:00.  The last one was a fail, by the way, and due to the rules I have set down for these challenges, I have to do it for an additional 30 days, and during the holidays; great!

I started this whole 30-day-challenge thing after talking with a friend who observes Lent.  He doesn’t do it for religious reasons, he does it to practice self-discipline; I liked that idea.  I also watched a lecture on TED about doing something different/challenging every 30 days, which intrigued me as well, and so it began.

Why am I telling you this?  I’m telling you because I have decided to make this month’s 30-day-challenge to post on my blog every day, for 30 days…yep, and now that I have written it, I have to do it; there is no going back (another one of my self-imposed rules).

I think this will be a good exercise because one of the hindrances I have to posting consistently is my desire to post perfection, which is ridiculous, since, as you all can see, none of my posts are perfect—not even close, but it’s the striving for it, that keeps me from finishing and posting.

I used to always say, to anyone who would comment on something being perfect, “Only God is perfect.”  I did, I truly did.  Well, we all know how that turned out, so I guess nothing is perfect…well, math is perfect…always perfect, and I suck at math, so there you go.  All that to say, I am going to have to let go of my perfectionism for 30 days, and that has to be good, right?

Time to get writing…I’m scared already!