Why do I do this? I have at least five half-finished blog posts and none have made it to the point of completion. A couple were good too: “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” and “When you see Sharia Law, You see the Old Testament.” There are more that also have potential, but there they sit in my Word draft file. Look at my last post date…geez…us! It’s embarrassing. I don’t typically procrastinate in other aspects of my life, but when I do, there’s always a reason for it. I’ve struggled with the reason I do it here. As I sit here at almost 2:30 in the morning, I think I know why: I’ve lost focus and passion and I have no idea where to go here. I don’t want to leave “Blinders Off.” I just don’t know how to transition, you know? The only way for my blog to be successful is to be consistent and yet, I will say in a post what I am going to write about next and then I don’t. I’ll be working on some other writing project, my brain will get a blog idea, I’ll jump on it and then Bam! I go back to the other project and I will let time slip away, until it’s been weeks and then months…This has got to stop. Maybe it’s lack of discipline. We writers struggle with “idea ADD” at times, jumping from one idea to the next. That may be part of the problem, but I truly think it’s that I have passions other than de-conversion and all that that entails and I want to write about those..
I’m thinking now that much about life, about living and growing has to do with taking off blinders. I don’t have to just write about removing religious blinders I suppose. What about the blinders we wear that prevent us from seeing ourselves, imperfections and all. We know ourselves better than anyone else and yet there are things we turn a blind eye to and those blind spots stunt us and keep us from break throughs that may change our lives. One of the struggles we face, those of us who have broken free from religion, is trying to now figure out who we are–who we really, truly are. I have observed how we try on different masks, after flinging off the religious one. We try on one after the other even though they feel uncomfortable or foreign. I think we do it because we are afraid to let ourselves be naked, raw, completely unbridled, maskless. We were told how, what, and who to be for so long that peeling everything away and just sitting with ourselves is extremely difficult–painful actually.
The truth is, whether it’s leaving a religion, or watching our children become adults and leaving home, caring for and helping our parents die, repairing a long-term marriage, or finally leaving one, what ever journey we are on in our lives, there are blinders to be taken off, things we need to see and do in order to be real, and wholly authentic. I’m thinking there is plenty to write about without leaving my “Blinders Off” blog. Perhaps I am wrong, maybe I’m just being sentimental, or I don’t want to leave my comfort zone, but for now, I’m going to give it a go. So for now, it’s going to be the same title and a different blog–sort of. One thing I am NOT going to do at this ungodly hour is to reveal the subject of my first post, because we all know how that will go and to be honest, hell, I don’t even know. I’m just going to let The Fates blow through my mind and see what flies onto the page. Weeeee!