Moving On?

I think I now understand where some of my ex-Christian friends are coming from when they start struggling with the direction they want to take in their writing. More and more I find myself wondering if I should continue this blog or go off in a completely different direction. When I was first going through my de-conversion, I wrote and wrote and wrote about it—how I felt, how others responded to it, how I responded back. Now, it isn’t such a huge part of my life—as evidenced by my lack of postings. Part of me wants to move on to something different, but I am also very aware that there are those who are still in the process of de-converting and I want to be there for them. I want to do for them, what others did for me, and still do at times. So what does one do? Perhaps supporting others in the process of de-conversion is, in a way, moving on. Instead of focusing solely on how de-conversion has affected me, I can focus more on how it is affecting those just beginning their journey or in a place of struggle along the way.

When I encounter someone in the midst of losing his or her faith, or as I call it, gaining clarity, I find myself in a difficult position. It’s a bit like someone asking me if having a baby is a good idea. Part of me wants to tell them, go ahead, it will be awesome, and another part of me wants to say, if you like your life the way it is, don’t do it, because life as you know it will never be the same. Relationships will suffer, some will be lost, new ones gained, and you have to reset how you live your life, BUT, you will have this wonderful baby that is worth all of it, because your life suddenly has a dimension that adds a depth and richness you never could have imagined, albeit in the midst of chaos ☺. 
It’s great to be in the position of supporting those leaving their faith, but I also know what it will entail, and although each situation is unique, it is never easy.  When someone in the process of de-converting asks about my experience, I have to go back to the baby analogy. Giving birth is the most painful experience I have ever encountered and it is the same for those de-converting. In both circumstances, I would give the same advice, I would have to say, “well, you are going to need to be very strong and constantly remind yourself that if you can make it through this most difficult part, it will be worth it.” In some cases, the “getting to the good part” doesn’t take long, but sometimes, it can seem to last for an eternity and it takes a special amount of stamina to make it to the start of that new and amazing life. I have to admit that because I fully understand all that leaving the faith entails, I worry about those beginning their journey. Some are so fragile and frightened, as I was, and I am fully aware of just how vulnerable one becomes during the process. There were times, when I felt as if I didn’t want to go on, it was just too much, but along would come some fellow de-convert to say, “yeah, I know, and you and I can get through this together. I’m here for you.” Just writing this has helped clarify things. I need to remain an encourager to those wanting to leave Christianity. Those who have never been entrapped by religion can encourage Christians leaving the faith to a certain extent, but they don’t fully understand why it is so difficult and the cost involved in doing so. As an ex-Christian, I know all to well what leaving involves. Those of us who have left Christianity are in a unique position to help. I don’t ever want to forget what it was like to be a Christian and what it was like to leave, so here I’ll stay until I feel at peace moving away from that.  Maybe I never will, but more and more it isn’t all about me, but more about others and that feels good. So, to the dear brave souls that are beginning to see the light of rationality, get ready to white knuckle it through some tough times, but I promise you I will do my best to stand by you and the freedom, the openness, and the happiness that comes, eventually, will be well worth it. Hang in.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. notabarbie
    Jul 25, 2011 @ 01:59:51

    I originally wrote this a month ago and somehow it ended up in my drafts…grrrrrrrrrr!


  2. ... Zoe ~
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 07:03:13

    Trying to move on isn’t easy because every day there is another newbie in blog land that is looking for encouragement and support as they start to question, to doubt and eventually move away from Christianity.

    You could always just leave this blog online for those who happen to drop in. Are you wanting to blog about other things? You could do that here too or just start another blog.

    I changed my blog to a new URL title that sort of hints at me moving on. Not that I won’t still tackle the subject of all these years but just to help me mentally move away from the complications of my complicated blog. :mrgreen: Click on my name it will take you there. More than anything, if we are true to ourselves and our personal journey it’s likely that there are people out there that will connect with us and the things we share. And they are probably grateful, even if we find that we spend less and less time blogging. I also think that when it’s time to move on, those of us out here that still check in to your blog, will understand. 🙂


  3. HeIsSailing
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 01:08:21

    notabarbie, this kind of blogging fatigue is very common and I have experienced it too. I quit contributing to long long ago, and it is since become nothing but a spam magnet. I write an article on my own blog occasionally on different things that interest me, but … it is just not a big deal any more.

    Yes, leaving Christianity was very difficult for me, but I am over that hurdle. In the meantime, my Catholic wife RoseMary leaves little hints to me here and there that she also no longer believes in God – it does not seem that big a deal to her. She does not have the anger that I felt. Good for her.


  4. ... Zoe ~
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 19:26:59

    Did you notice HeIsSailing that is now offline? Poof! Gone. I wondered if any of the contributors were notified and if all their contributions were lost? I’m actually sorry to see that site gone. It didn’t have to become a spam magnet if it had been moderated propely. 😦


  5. heissailing
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 12:48:21


    Oh now that I think of it, I wrote an awful lot on that site.. stuff I wrote when I was still a Christian!!

    I wonder if I can still access my stuff? I had better check.


  6. heissailing
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 12:52:45

    wow zoe, you scared me there for a bit. You can still access everything with the original URL

    It is all still there. But I should retrieve all my articles off that thing – I don’t ever visit that site any more, but it was there for me when I needed it – a lot of my own thinking during my de-conversion is chronicled on that site.


  7. ... Zoe ~
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 21:45:30

    Go figure. I wonder what’s up with that? Weird. Oh well. I shall change the URL on my blogroll then. Yes, probably still wise to gather up any writing you want to save.

    Perhaps he decided to give up the domain name of I visit every so often. That’s how I noticed the previous URL site was gone.


  8. notabarbie
    Aug 18, 2011 @ 21:16:03



    • ... Zoe ~
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 23:03:24

      Well, wasn’t that precious. 😆

      What is she doing here? In the time it took for her to leave the message, she could have caught another wave. :mrgreen:


  9. notabarbie
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 01:33:12

    Ha Ha! I know! That’s exactly what I thought. Actually I think it’s some loser, sitting around in his or her bathrobe, wishing he or she had my life :-).


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