You Have Something Hanging from Your Nose

I walked into the orthodontist office with my youngest son and immediately caught the eye of a woman that attends the church I used to go to.  Actually our boys are the same age and attend the same school  also.  I desperately looked around for an empty seat as far from her as possible, but the only one available was …yes, that’s right…right next to her. Was this a “god thing?” J I took my seat and smiled.  I comforted myself with the idea that certainly she wouldn’t put me on the spot about church right there in front of my son and all those strangers…HA!

I had barely gotten comfortable before she turned to me and asked, “Have you been at church lately?” She is very aware that I haven’t been. 

I thought, “oh geez,” and then said, “No, not really,”  (not really? Pssh, what does that mean?)

“How long has it been?”  She inquired, looking concerned. 

“Oh, it’s been a while—several months I guess.” I answered as I opened the book I had brought to read. 

“Really, why?”  She persisted.

I paused and thought about it for a minute, “Because I don’t want to.”  I said smiling politely.

She looked stunned, but didn’t miss a beat, “Why not?  Do you have a problem with Unnamed Church or is it something else?”

Okay, now what do I do?  Suddenly, as if a miracle from heaven, it appeared—a small hair hanging from her nose.  I looked at her and at it and I said in a loud whisper, “you have something hanging from your nose.” 

“I do? “  She said mortified as she reached up to find out what it was. 

“Oh, it’s just a hair, here let me get it for you,” I said as I brushed it away and then immediately started talking about our boys and school, etc.  Soon after that I made my escape.  She had gotten so distracted she had forgotten what she had been talking about.  It was great!

So, for those of you who get cornered by a Christian who is asking inappropriate questions in an inappropriate place—it’s easily remedied by simply telling them they have something hanging from their nose.  I don’t think it will work in the long term, but hey, it will get you out those sticky situations.  Give it a go, you’ll see.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Samanthamj
    Jan 15, 2008 @ 04:47:30

    That was pretty good. =) If all else fails, I supose one could resort to saying… “Oh my God… what’s this hanging from my nose?”… and then reach up as if swiping your nose and fling it towards them.

    =)
    ~smj

    Reply

  2. notabarbie
    Jan 15, 2008 @ 04:59:53

    HA! That’s even better! You’re too funny!

    Reply

  3. HeIsSailing
    Jan 15, 2008 @ 10:53:55

    notabarbie,
    Wow, I just finished reading the last 3 or 4 of your articles. They are very powerful to me, and really hit home. I can really relate to what you are going through in some of these. We had some old church friends swing by the house last week to drop off a belated Christmas present. A big, scented candle, which my wife is a sucker for. Also included was a card with a note asking for forgiveness for anything they may have done to keep us away from church this last year. YIKES! They are good people, and they did nothing to offend me or my wife – but like you, I have nothing in common with them outside of my former faith. And believe me, I know how devout Christians eat apostates such as myself. I was guilty of doing that very thing at one time in my life. What should I do? I feel guilty just ignoring them. I don’t feel compelled to come blaring out “HA! I left Jesus and now worship myself as GOD!!!”, which is how any excuse of leaving the faith will come out to them. I have no desire to get into a debate with them of any kind. gag – this de-conversion stuff can sure be tricky sometimes.

    Thanks for your articles and your writing. I stopped writing articles, because I just don’t have the time anymore. But I value the writings of others. Keep it up!!

    Reply

  4. notabarbie
    Jan 15, 2008 @ 11:29:40

    Hi H.I.S.!
    I noticed that you haven’t been writing much. I really miss your stuff. It’s always insightful and funny, which is always a good combo. I liked what you said about Christians eating apostates–if it wasn’t so tragic it would be funny. Thanks for reading my stuff and for your comments. I hope you will be able to find time soon to start writing again. I’ve had more time as of late because I’ve been on vacation, but once the new semester starts up I will be buried in books again. I find myself wanting to write as much as I can before that happens and all I have time to do is read.

    Thanks again for your

    comments,
    Barbara

    Reply

  5. TheNorEaster
    Jan 25, 2008 @ 23:13:56

    I went to the supermarket the other day and took a close look at a pin the cashier was wearing. It read “A blood doner saved my life.” When she noticed that I was looking at the pin, she started to tell me about Jesus dying for my sins and the whole thing. Thank goodness I was in the express lane. But what’s really funny, to me, is I still believe in God. I just don’t run around telling everybody and their mother about Jesus dying for their sins. I try to live it the best I can. But, geez, that stuff gets on my nerves. They talk so much they’ve forgotten how to live. I mean, really LIVE.

    Next time, I think I’ll just say, “There’s something hanging from your nose.”

    Good advice there, notabarbie.

    Reply

  6. notabarbie
    Jan 26, 2008 @ 02:29:28

    See NorEaster? Now you’ve got it–try it out; it works!

    Reply

  7. Marge
    Feb 02, 2008 @ 00:44:03

    The dentist office, post office? I was lucky, I moved to the other side of town and still dread those unexpected encounters. {shiver} I take comfort in the fact that I’ve changed some since they knew me and most would not recognize me now. You have more grace than I do (your tactic would be called a “clear state” or “redirect” in technical terms – very effective).
    NorEaster – I’m coming to read your blog next. (no, that’s not a threat 🙂 ) You are the first deconvert I’ve encountered that will say they still believe in God, just not religion. Me too. Interested to read your story.

    Reply

  8. TheNorEaster
    Feb 07, 2008 @ 01:02:04

    Marge:

    I’m not a de-convert, though my faith and my experience have obviously evolved quite a bit over the years. I am, however, curious about what some de-converts have to say, which is why you see my comments on certain sites. Just thought I’d clarify that.

    Take care.

    Reply

  9. Urbabybum
    Feb 25, 2008 @ 10:22:33

    To me it is necessary to find

    Reply

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