I’m noticing a trend. Those of us who have or are in the process of de-conversion have many things in common. We are thinkers, we question even when it causes a stir (I believe we actually thrive on the stir). We are strong, once we discover something we have a hard time keeping it to ourselves and it seems many of us are teachers; if not by vocation, definitely by nature. While reading the blogs…oh, that’s another thing, we write like demons—no pun intended. Anyway, while reading the de-conversion blogs, I’ve discovered another trend. As strong as we are, we become almost disabled at the thought of coming out with our de-conversion. I know that there are those who have done it and have gotten through it, but it still seems to be a scary thing for most of us. Those that have come out, for the most part, have done it by accident or because they were backed into a corner that they didn’t want to lie themselves out of, not because they just had to let the world know of their new life. At first I thought it could be an irrational fear, you know, the worst case scenario kind of fear, but I have discovered as of late that that isn’t it at all. It’s a matter of self preservation. I believe this fear is based on the reality of what will happen when we come out with our beliefs or non-beliefs.
If you read my other posts, you will see that I have not come out to anyone outside of my family. I was actually starting to think that my old friends, even though they called occasionally inquiring about how I was doing, had actually gotten used to the idea that I wasn’t going to church anymore. Evidently, I was wrong. Either there was a recent sermon at church that implored believers to confront their friends “in sin” or I have reached my time limit of “taking a break from church,” because the email and phone call campaign has begun. There have been a couple of doozies and I will blog about each one separately as to keep this post as brief as possible.
As I have mentioned before, I find myself desiring to come clean completely. I want to write back and call back and say, “Gosh, thanks for your concern, but you need not worry yourself with me. I am doing great. I need to let you know, though, that I no longer embrace Christianity. After much study and yes, even prayer, I have concluded that it is no more valid than any other religion and I can no longer be a part of it.” That is my fantasy as of late, but I know it will not be fulfilled any time soon. I know that my de-conversion will become known only as I am put in positions that I can’t do anything but state the truth. Judging by the way I have been treated just because I am not going to church, my skin is going to have to get a bit thicker before that happens and I am working on that. It has helped practicing on my sister. Although our relationship is tenuous at best right now. (She avoids me like the plague) That is a relief sometimes and at other times a tremendous heartbreak, but in the end I think we can find some middle ground. I’m optimistic and I have to say that in spite of the difficulties, it feels amazing to be out of the Fundamentalist Christian box—truly. I look at life so differently and I am making new friends that are my friends just because they like me and for no other reason, and I am friends with them for the same reason—what a concept.