“Hello, fellow ex-Christian!” I stared at the words written on my Facebook wall. My first thought was, “Holy shit!” and my second thought was “Holy shit!” I’m just kidding. My second thought was, “my mother has just become my friend on Facebook and she is going to read this comment,“ which could actually be loosely interpreted as, “Holy shit!” Somehow, she didn’t and evidently neither did anybody else. I breathed a sigh of relief. The comment had come from a friend, Bill, that is an ex-Christian/pastor. I call him my anti-pastor. I had read some of his blogs and so we had become friends on Facebook. He didn’t purposely out me and was apologetic. It did get me thinking though. I mean, I did want to stop living a lie (see I Hereby Resolve…Sort of…) and in some way, I was hoping some of my old Christian friends had seen it, but no such luck, although, I did start to consider that Facebook might be a good way to “out” myself, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t pull the trigger. However, as fate and my lack of Facebook savvy would have it, it finally happened. If you aren’t familiar with Facebook, there are many groups you can join. One day I was checking out these groups and I happened upon two that interested me: Non-disillusioned Non-believers and Free Thinkers. I joined both. What harm could there be in that? I didn’t know that the news I had joined these groups would be proudly announced on my profile page. This time, the information would not be overlooked.
The next time I logged on to Facebook, I saw the announcement and right below it was the first of many comments from an old Christian friend: “And what does this mean for you Barbara?” I sat for a moment…it’s now or never I thought, and so I commented back. “It means that I no longer embrace fundamentalist Christianity,” which of course led to the next obvious question: Do I embrace any type of Christianity, to which I answered, “no.” There, it was done and of course not all my Christian friends saw the interchange, which became long and detailed, but enough of them did and as those who have been in the Christian community know, news like that travels like wildfire. I believe that the leadership position I had held, while a Christian, fanned those flames–not in a gossipy way, more like a love-filled, spiritually concern for my poor pitifully lost soul, which was in danger of burning in hell, but by the grace of God, theirs isn’t, kind of way–of course. One of my Christian friends, that has actually remained my friend, thought I was thinking I was more important to these women than I truly was, until she received an email invitation to gather and pray for their “wayward sister” who had evidently “walked away from the Lord.” At first I thought it was funny until I saw how many women the email had been sent to, many woman that I didn’t even know, and the email encouraged them to forward to others as they deemed necessary. That did piss me off a little. I’m over it now. There is so much more I could tell you: what all the responses have been, how I responded, how my parents have dealt with this revelation, (excuse the pun) and how things are now, etc. I will write about that in the coming weeks, but for now, I will say this: It feels as good as I thought it would to come out with my de-conversion. It has also been more heart wrenching, at times, than I thought it would be, but all in all, I am glad to be out with it. It gets easier and easier every day. As a matter of fact, just last month I sent a message to an old Christian friend inviting her to take a PE class with me at the college for the summer. I closed by saying, “that is if you don’t mind hanging out with a pagan.” She responded by saying she would love to and then said, “Is hanging out with a pagan a bad thing? LOL.” I admit that she is not the norm, but just let me confidently say this: There is no better life than one that is lived openly and honestly. Trust me on this one.
Next up: “A Christian Burial” (subject to change at the writer’s whim)
atimetorend said,
June 11, 2009 at 1:58 am
Wow, I was just thinking through facebook myself this very moment. I would love to have my deconverted friends on my regular facebook account. But if someone would look up one of my deconvert friends through facebook, it would be too easy to find me through their comment section or blogroll. So, arrgh! It would be one thing to broadcast my deconversion, but entirely different to have people read my blog.
That’s great you’ve made the plunge, definitely the right thing to do even if it has it’s painful moments. This living in secret thing is not great and not right.
notabarbie said,
June 11, 2009 at 5:13 am
Yes, living in secret is not great. I know this for sure because I did it for over two years, but as you can see from my blog, coming out is not easy and is very painful and you have to be very secure in your decision before you tip your hand and even then, it is tough. It shouldn’t be. We should all be able to believe what we choose and for that choice to be respected, but, sadly that is not the case. Everyone comes out at different times and in different ways, but I believe it is best to do it on your own terms. I wish you well and if you want to email me at notabarbie@comcast.net and give me your name, we can be friends on facebook
Thanks for reading and commenting.
notabarbie said,
June 11, 2009 at 5:32 am
ps-I added you to my blogroll. If that’s not cool, let me know. Thanks!
atimetorend said,
June 11, 2009 at 12:13 pm
honored to be on your blogroll, thanks!
samanthamj said,
June 27, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Hey =) Been a while… I still keep my “savemenot” blog anonymous…. but, I HAVE given the link to a few of my true “real life” friends – including a few that are very religious. That was a bit nerve-wreckin – but, I figure they already knew most of how I felt… and I knew they didn’t really understand since we were getting into verbal debates or email ones, I figured I might as well just let them have a look and read all they want. My family and friends all know I am not religious or a “believer” anyway, and some of them worry… but, it is good to have it known.
Still, I worry more about people I don’t know so well… co-workers, bosses… friends of friends reading my “savemenot” blog and all my really personal feelings there. I alwo worry about hurting my mother or relatives feelings. So, I chose to stil use my “pen name” of smj there/here. I would probably also say, “HOLY SHIT”… if it were somehow linked with my “real life” facebook or other stuff. LOL
herrad said,
July 7, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Hi,
I do not believe in superstition and prejudices believe in living my life according to my priciples of honesty and openess and taking responsibility for my own actions and beliefs.
I do not need a big daddy figure.
Hope we can finally emerge from the dark ages and live in peace and harmony with our neighbours.
Love,
Herrad
notabarbie said,
July 9, 2009 at 1:30 am
Amen Herrad, amen. One can only hope.
notabarbie said,
July 9, 2009 at 1:34 am
Sam-It’s good to see you
I know just what you mean. You have to do what’s best for you and the people you love. You would think that they would want you to be honest and true to yourself and others, but, at least for me, that has not been the case. Religion is gross…it’s that simple.
Thanks for stoppin’ by!
Zoe said,
July 15, 2009 at 1:55 am
Welcome back apostate!
Remind me to never sign up on Facebook!